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High On Poker

Cursing for Poker

May 23rd, 2011

I was reading a blog that’s probably off most poker bloggers’ beaten path, the Atlantic City Poker Man, when I saw a post that covered a topic I don’t see discussed much: memorizing your suits.

ACPM opined that there were several tricks to remember the suits of your hole cards without having to check back. He recommended a system where you cut chips from your stack that correspond with the suits in your hand. For instance, spade would be one chip and diamond would be three, so if you have AsKd, you’d cut out one chip with your left hand and three with the right to remember the suits you held in your hand.

I don’t necessarily agree with his particular trick to remember your suits, but I do incorporate my own trick: acronyms. Basically, I convert in my head each suit to its corresponding letter (Spade = S, Heart = H, Club = C, and Diamonds = D). When I look at my cards, I pick out the two letters, in order of which card is highest, and I apply a standard acronym that helps me remember the two cards.

Now, it just so happens that a majority of my acronyms are for curses. I don’t know why this happened, but it very well may be that when I am playing poker, I am surrounded by “enemies” and the aggression or competitiveness of the game naturally led me to inappropriate acronyms. But it could have just as easily been the fact that it is easier to remember certain curse phrases than some other random phrase. This is especially true since many curse words are called by their initials (i.e., the F-word).

For instance, if I am dealt AcKs, I can’t help but think AK cocksucker (i.e., C for the ace of Clubs, and S for the king of Spades). If its SD, I think suck a dick.

It’s not all fellatio references and curses. HD (heart, then diamond) is harddrive or hi-def. I think of comics for DC, and music for CD (compact disc is actually what goes through my head). HC is hardcover. But DS is dumb shit, so curses do come into play more often than is necessary.

Whatever the case, I thought I’d pass along this idiosyncrasy, since it may help some of you out there who tend to forget the suits of their hole cards when playing live. Nothing sucks more than seeing a three or four flush on the board and having to look to see if you are in the running for the flush.

Until next time, make mine live poker!

It’s about that time again!

Yes, the WSOP is near, and while you and I will probably not be attending this year, there is still one way to make the tournament series relevant to our personal lives: Prop Bets!

So, here’s where I open the floor to all of bloggerdom. If you are interested in joining a WSOP prop  bet, here are the options:

Bet with Me ONLY: If you want to go this route, let me know what type of bets and what amounts you have in mind.

  • Do we want to pick horses (players) and see who has the most final tables? Bracelets? Cash won? How many horses (3 to 5 horses recommended)?
  • Do we want to play Main Event over/under on participants? You can choose the line or let me choose!
  • Do we want to play online poker? Well, we can’t so TOO BAD!

If you are a bit more adventurous, opt for the Pool Prop Bet. The Pool prop bet will allow each entrant to choose 3 players in a round-robin fashion. The players get 3 points for each bracelet and 1 point for each final table. If one of your picks final tables the main event, you get an automatic 3 points, so we don’t have to wait for November to determine the winner. Buy-in will be $20, and can be sent to me via PayPal or via mailed check. If I can vouch for you, then there will be no rush in getting me the money, but if I barely know you, I may ask you to pay in advance. The amount of players paid out depends on the amount of participants.

ONE MORE DETAIL: The WSOP starts on May 31, so we don’t have much time. If all goes well, we can begin picking horseys by Monday, so act now!

So, who is in?

Until next time, make mine live poker!

Withdrawal

May 18th, 2011

I keep circling the drain of Acceptance, but I can’t seem to get there.

After the three major online poker sites still offering games to US players were shut down, I quickly became sick of all of the coverage I found across the various poker blogs and websites. To me, it felt like a lot of conversation for no reason. Like I told the customer service representative from my cable company two nights ago when I was arguing hidden installation charges: “Don’t lecture me on what happened, tell me how you are going to fix it.” I already knew everything I needed to know, namely that my online poker fix was gone. Other morsels of information would soon come out, namely that we could all withdraw our PokerStars funds, but the plethora of legal analysis posts seemed like a lot of hard work by intelligent people filled with information that was of little use to me, other than in an academic sense.

In fact, the shut down of online poker was such a turn off that I thought long and hard about shutting down High on Poker before realizing for probably the 6th time in this site’s 6 year existence that there is no reason to shut down a site if I can simply post if and when I want to. No corporate overlords will be upset with me for slacking and what I may lose in readers is just part of the world of blogging.

But this week, now more than a month post shut-down, I am left a changed man, all because the government took away my hobby by legislation in 2006 and then waited for 2011 to actually pull the plug.

The most difficult aspect is simple day-to-day home life. In the past, I played online poker nearly every week night. At the very least, I was playing two or three times per week. It was the perfect activity to do. If wifey Kim wanted to watch a crappy TV show (new favorite, Pregnant in Heels, a reality show about a pregnancy concierge who teaches rich but clueless pregnant woman how to handle their pregnancy and a newborn baby), I’d play poker online. If I got home early, I’d play a long tournament. If plans fell through, I’d fill the day with online poker. If I wanted to play something but was tired of videogames, I’d play online poker and chase a poker bonus.

Hell, there were so many excuses and reasons for me to play that it was just a natural thing.

Case in point, this weekend, I had some downtime between when my parents came to drop off their cat (cat-sitting again) and when wifey Kim would be home from a day with her mother. In a parallel world, I would be playing online poker and hopefully compiling some money in the process. In this reality, I was twiddling my thumbs, searching for something worthwhile to do. Granted, I found something, namely a trip to the driving range and an opportunity to do some cleaning, but I still felt that sense of loss.

Another example was last night, after I got back from busting in the BatCave tournament. Wifey Kim and I had spent the day apart, but after catching up on our respective days, she wanted to watch her mindless television and I opted to go into the other room to watch my mindless television. What I wanted to do was sit next to her and play online poker, but that was clearly not an option.

This lack of online poker is really messing with my life. It was the perfect fallback plan to any event. It was an ideal time killer. It fed my need for competition and games, and since it was for money, it felt more rewarding and, well, adult, than a videogame.

I have been stripped of my hobby and for what? To protect the children? To prevent money laundering? To prevent fraud? All sounds good on paper, but I end up right back to that conversation with my cable provider: I don’t need your lecture on the problem; just tell me how you are going to fix it. And fix it fast. Of course, that isn’t going to happen.

Until then, I am just a man in transition. Or maybe I should say,

Until then, make mine live poker!

Last Friday, I had the pleasure of attending a Court hearing in Binghamton, New York, a 3.5 hour drive from Manhattan, to resolve a case. After I was done, I began my drive back to New York City. The drive took me through Pennsylvania, as Binghamton is in the Western portion of New York State. And where there is Pennsylvania, there is poker!

I decided to stop at the Mohegan Sun at Pocono Downs, mostly because it was on the way, about 1.5 hours from Binghamton and 2 hours from New York City.

I pulled into the parking lot, aided by my GPS. The lot was huge, with several sections, so I decided for what appeared to be the closest lot to the entrance and parked my rental car. I was still wearing my suit from the court appearance, but I had ditched my tie. I had brought a change of clothes with me, since I was weighing the possibility of an overnight stay, but opted to remain in my work attire, with some accoutrements. I added my ball cap and sun glasses, and grabbed my usual live poker items: two Buddha card caps and my ipod. I had $500 of my bankroll with me and entered the casino excited for the possibilities ahead.

As soon as I entered the casino, I headed to the restrooms, which were in a food court area called SkyCourt. The food court looked underwhelming, as far as selection, but the setup was nice, clean and professional. As I entered the restroom, I noticed an almost life-sized statue of Superman on my left. I snapped a quick photo and thought that the appearance of Supes was a good sign. I don’t believe in omens, but I also do not not believe in omens.

I then began my trek around the casino floor, following the signs to the poker room. The casino is set up in a circular shape, with the table games and slots in the center, with restaurants, shops, and specialty rooms lining the walls. There was a decent amount of restaurant selections, although they were not on my to-do list for this trip. There were also rooms for penny slots and high stakes games. I kept walking the circle’s perimeter until the poker signs stopped. I found a security guard who directed me to backtrack and look for a long hallway. Sure enough, I found the long hallway which led to an down escalator, which led to another hallway and finally a set of steps (down). By the time I got to the poker room, I had walked a decent distance. I had also parked at probably the worst location for easy access to the room.

The room itself was nice, although nothing special. A $60 tournament was running from noon. It would eventually end at 5pm, which blew my mind, considering there were only 40 players and common opinion at my table was that the blinds move fast. “If blinds move fast and there are only 40 players, then how are they still playing after 5 hours?” The dealer chimed in, “The final table was several hours already.” Others added, “The players in the tournament are like the cash game players around here. They are all super tight so no one busts.” I commented that a 5 hour tournament with such a low buy-in sounded like torture, and most of my table agreed. But at least they had tourneys and it seemed like it was a decent bang for a small buck.

I had no problem getting a seat in a 1/2 NLHE game. From what I could see, there were three 1/2 NLHE games going, and perhaps one 2/5 NLHE game. I think a limit game was running as well, and there was an interest list for PLO, O8, and some higher stakes games that didn’t start during my four hours at the casino.

I grabbed my 9 seat, and looked around the table. For the most part, it was an older group, probably mostly retirees or people who worked trades that allowed them to play on a late Friday afternoon. There was only one kid at the table, seated two seats to my left. He had on a grey hoody and sunglasses, and looked like the typical poster child for youth poker players.

My seat neighbors were friendly, and over the course of the session, I made friends with the 50 year old guys on my immediate left and right. The guy on my left was friendly and showed me his cards when I was out of a hand. He was willing to call pretty loose preflop and even post flop, but was far from a maniac. The guy on my right was friendly in conversation and harmless at poker. We didn’t get into many poker hands together, but he seemed like a reasonably decent player.

In fact, after the first 45 minutes or so, I became slightly worried that I was the donkey at the table, using the old adage, if you can’t find the donkey, it’s you. There was one player early who was donking off chips, but he had reached his limit by then and was replaced.

Overall it was a decent table for action, although not one where players were throwing a party (i.e., donking off chips recklessly and frequently). The players seemed to be generally knowledgeable, but I could tell that my early tightness, clothing, and demeanor had built an interesting image at the table.

On one hand, I was the responsible, professional, married working stiff, complete with suit, unbuttoned collar, and baseball cap. I was also a player who was somewhat prepared for poker, since I had my card cap and sunglasses. But overall, I suppose I looked exploitable. From an outsider’s perspective, I was tight for the first hour or so, bought in for only $200, and was willing to fold to the regulars’ bets.

I was down $20 or so from my $200 starting stack when I had my first major hand of the day, just short of an hour into play. An old, bald guy, known as “The Mayor” to the table, since he was the mayor of some nearby town with a 2,000 person population, raised preflop UTG blind to $5. He must have learned to play in a room that allows straddles and simply cannot break the habit, even though straddles are not allowed. Or maybe he was looking to build action. Whatever the case, after his blind raise out of position, he got two callers and the action got to me. I had already looked at my cards, AA, and I was deciding how to best get a caller or two without everyone jumping into the pot. Before this point, I don’t think I raised preflop yet.

I looked up with a confused look at my face and glanced around the table. “What’s the action?” I asked. Someone offered, “It’s $5 to you.” I added, “Who raised?” Since the raise was $5, it was a legitimate question, since The Mayor could’ve limped with a $5 chip. In reality, I knew what was what, but I wanted it to be clear for the entire table that I knew that the UTG raise was blind.

I did my best to look like the fox in the hen house, as I raised to $25. I wanted it to look like a steal, as though an amazing opportunity presented itself and I was going to flex some muscles to finally get some momentum. I was concerned that without the play-acting, it would appear that I simply had a major hand and everyone would fold. After all, I was fairly tight before this hand.

After my raise, the 1 seat re-raised me to $75. It read to me as one of those plays one makes when he has a hand like AK or AQ, or even TT, and would be happy to win it all preflop. I couldn’t see it as an out-and-out bluff, since there were too many players left to act. Everyone folded back to me, and I cut out $50 from my stack. I had $107 left, and finally pushed it all in, looking mildly upset, as I announced, “If I call $50, I might as well just go all-in.” He called and the dealer dealt out: Q22Q6. At showdown, I immediately tabled my Aces and he mucked. I was up to about $380.

Twenty minutes later, and I misplayed a hand with AKo. Preflop, UTG, I decided to limp, since there was a lot of preflop raising. Not this hand, though. There were 7 to the flop, which came down KT9. I checked again, and it checked around. The turn was a Jack. I checked, since someone in this group had to have a Queen. A LP player bet out and was called before I folded. Of course, they both had the Queen. Whoops! I should’ve raised preflop or bet on the flop, but at least this was a cheap mistake.

About 90 minutes into my session, I began to get hungry. I was contemplating a hot dog, but when my neighbor ordered one, it came out looking pale and sickly. Instead, I took a short break and returned to the Sky Court, where the options failed to impress. I ended up sitting at the counter at Johnny Rockets and rocketed down my chicken philly cheessteak before returning to the game about 20 minutes later. The table was short, with the Mayor having moved to another table, the kid having left before my dinner break, and other players calling it an early night. Other players were simply not in their seats. We played 7 handed for a while, before the table began to fill up again. Amongst the newbies was a fat guy two seats to my right who joined me and my neighbors in the friendly conversations we were having. Across the table, an Asian guy in his mid 20s joined us. His age and, yes, race, was enough for me to assume he knew what he was doing. Over the course of the night, his stack fluctuated before growing to over $800. I remembered looking at his bloated stack with admiration. Meanwhile, another new player joined the table, a tough looking, older bald guy, likely from the construction trade, who knew the Asian kid because his son went to college with him. It’s a small world in Pennsylvania.

About 20 minutes after returning, I was dealt TT in the SB. The Asian kid raised in EP to $12. There was one caller before it got to me. Out of position, I opted to raise to $35, which would hopefully be enough to push my opponents off of their likely-middling cards. However, both of the other players called, and we saw a flop with a bloated $105+ pot. The flop was JJ6, which was mostly good for me. However, since I was out of position, I decided to check to see how my opponents would act. They both checked as well.  The turn was another low card, and I was confident that neither opponent had a Jack or an overpair to my Tens, so I bet out $50. It was enough to take down the pot and confirmed my suspicions about the Asian kid.

About 10 minutes later, I had a rush of middling cards that I was able to make into winners. I was dealt 55 and raised preflop to $10. The Asian and one other player called. The flop was 447, so I c-bet $15 and the Asian called. The turn was a low card, so I bet $20. I was trying to appear as though I wanted the calls. I thought I was ahead, since I could see the Asian calling me with two over cards in position, but when he called the turn bet, I was a bit less sure. Even so, I opted to bet $25 on the river, a suspiciously sized bet that hopefully looked like a bet for value. He folded and I took down the pot.

On the very next hand, I was dealt 55 again and opted to raise to $10 again. I got two callers, including the Asian, for the second time in a row. The flop, however, was ugly, KQ4. I c-bet $20 and only the Asian called. The turn was a beautiful 5, and I figured that after the last hand, my opponent would be willing to look me up a bit lighter, so I bet $40, hoping that it either looked uncharacteristic (like a bluff) or that my opponent held something like KQ and was springing a trap. Alas, he folded and I took down my second hand in a row with 55.

On the very next hand, I was dealt AQd. I raised preflop to $10, following the example I set in the two preceding hands. This time, I get two callers, the guys on my immediate left and right. The Asian had apparently had enough of me. The flop was AQ6 with two hearts. I decided to continue betting, since by now, I had played three hands in a row fast, without any showdown. I continuation bet $25 and got a call from teh player on my left. The turn was a 2h, which would’ve filled a flush draw. I bet $35, and when he called, I knew he didn’t have the flush. The river was a blank and I bet $50. He called and showed KK. Too bad for him.

I was taking notes on my iTouch when the guy on my left asked me whether I was texting someone. I answered no, but then realized that this brought the next logical question: What are you doing? I couldn’t admit to taking notes or being a blogger, as both things are supposedly ghey. So instead, I stammered, “I’m trying to get some work done,” which inevitably led to, “What type of work do you do?” And hence, I had to admit I was a lawyer.

The big guy who took over the seat of the sunglasses kid was in on our conversation, as was the guy on my immediate right. The big guy lifted his shirt to show me some horrific scars for an accident he had suffered. Even without the scars, his bare stomach would’ve been pretty gross. The other players joined in on the conversation as we discussed their various prior lawsuits and experiences with the law.

After my three hand rush, I didn’t have a major hand for another hour or so, when I was dealt AA again in middle position. I bet $15, as I had been tight for an hour and wanted some action. I got more than I wanted, though, when 4 players called, creating a bloated pot. To my delight, the flop was AJ2, giving me top set. It folded to me and I bet $25, which was a rather oddly small bet, but hopefully made sense, given that I was last to act and it may appear like a weak c-bet. My other c-bets from earlier were of similar size as well.

I only got one caller, a newer player, pudgy, Hispanic, with a goatee and dark tight-cropped hair. He was affable enough at the table, and we hadn’t been in any hands against each other yet. I got the sense that he wasn’t the sharpest player. It is worth noting that he was not at the table for my first AA hand.

When the turn came down with a J (AJ2J board), I decided to check after my opponent checked to me. I was hoping he had an Ace or Jack; in either case, he’d think that he was ahead to perhaps 99-KK, or even an Ace, if he had the Jack. The river was a blank. He was out of position and bet out $35. I eyed his stack, which had around $240 more behind. I knew if I put him all-in for his full stack, he very well may have the intelligence to fold, but if I bet a lesser sum, particularly after asking to see his stack, I could potentially get a call from weaker holdings. I took my time before pulling out a stack of reds and the one $1 chip I had left. I then pulled out another $35 and announced, “Raise to $136. $101 more.” He contemplated briefly before calling. I tabled my full house, Aces fully of Jacks, and he mucked.

The very next hand, I was dealt AKs. I raised to $15 and got two callers, including the same Hispanic guy. The flop was A25 with two spades, another thing of beauty. I bet $25 and the Hispanic guy called. The turn was a bank, and I bet $100, which was essentially the rest of his stack. He was able to fold, and I took down the pot.

Prior to these last two hands, I had mentally told myself that this was my last orbit. After those hands, though, I had to reconsider. I was sitting up $700 or so, and felt like leaving immediately after those big scores would be bad etiquette. Now, that doesn’t mean that I won’t leave if I felt the need or if I felt like table conditions were such that I could lose a lot by sticking around. But given how things were going, I decided to tough it out a big longer before calling it a night.

About 15 minutes later, the guy on my left who asked me about the texts had left and was replaced with the big guy with the stomach scars two seats to my right. I could tell he was moving to the uncomfortable 10 seat because he wanted position on me, as I now had the biggest stack at the table, well over the stack of the Asian kid I envied earlier in the session. The big guy and I were friendly, but it was clear he played to win.

I quietly announced to my neighbors, including the big guy, that it was my last orbit, to force myself to actually leave. Of course, in my last orbit, I am dealt QQ in the CO and opt to raise to $12. The big guy and three others call, and we saw a Jack-high flop with two hearts. I bet $35 and the big guy raised to $100 from the button. It folded to me and I took some time trying to figure it out whether I possibly walked into a set. I considered what to do and decided to look at my opponent and ask, “Do you have a set here?” It was the only hand that could reasonably beat me. He had a smile on his face as he looked at me from behind sunglasses. He didn’t say a word. I opted to call.

The turn and river were blanks and we both checked it down. It had sunk in that he had a big Jack. I assumed AJ, but it turned out that he had KJ at showdown. I think I misplayed this hand. My conversation obviously tipped him off as to my strength. But then again, I probably wouldn’t have called if not for his reaction to my question. It was definitely a Blink moment, so I can’t say what it was that specifically told me that I was probably ahead. I just never felt confident enough that I was ahead to make a value bet.

A bit over ten minutes later and I had finally had enough. I had $1,014 in front of me, a $814 profit. It has put me in the black for the year, which is both sad (that I was in the red) and happy (that I am no longer in the red). It was also a  bit of a confidence boost. It felt good to get some solid cards, and I avoided making too many mistakes with the weaker hands.

I’d say that I liked this room a lot better than the Bethlehem Sands, but that’s probably due in part to the fact that I won $814 in the Mohegan Sun and lost $300 at the Sands. The casino itself lacks a hotel and therefore suffers from some of the convenience problems I had with the Sands. But on the other hand, the room was quieter, less smokey, and generally had a better vibe to it than the open exposed poker area at the Sands. Distance, though, is still a factor, and the Sands is probably 30 minutes closer to NYC.

So, I’m down for the Mohegan Sun at the Pocono Downs, or maybe I should say I am up for the Downs. Either way, its nice getting paid.

Until next time, make mine live poker!

A couple of days ago, I received a semi-unexpected check in the mail from PokerStars with the remainder of my online balance. I say semi-unexpected because while I know that Stars has worked out how to cash out players, I was expecting it to take a bit longer than it did. I waited a couple of days before requesting cashout by check and the site was heavily encouraging users to do a wire transfer instead, but I didn’t feel the need to provide PokerStars (or the government) with any further financial information given the current climate around online poker.

Yet, here it was, a check for several hundred dollars waiting to be cashed. I finally made my way to the bank today, with the several-days-old check burning a hole in my pocket. As I arrived at HSBC during my lunch hour, I was surprised to see no one waiting for a teller, so I made my way to the open window, where a black girl with a tattoo on her chest took my check and responded to my initial question:

“Can I cash this or would it be easier to deposit it?”

I hoped to have the cash for my live poker bankroll and if I deposited it, I knew I would be too tempted to use it for something stupid, like the new home wifey Kim and I expect to buy sometime in the next 5 to 10 years. But I had some concerns about just cashing the check. I was concerned that the international check with “PokerStars.com” listed at the top would be questioned by the bank, therefore making an exchange for cash difficult. Frankly, I know little about banks and their tellers, as I prefer the cold touch of an ATM, which doesn’t weigh me down with annoying things like courteous hellos and small talk. But I was a man on a mission.

My tattoo-titted teller (rant about tattoo tits to come) looked at the check semi-confused. She typed some things into the computer and then said she needed to speak with her manager. A minute later, she was back.

“My manager said that we can cash this,” she smiled. She looked back down. “You got this from playing online poker?” It was then that I realized, from behind the bulletproof glass, that PokerStars’ name actually appeared on the check. The teller looked both confused and a bit impressed.

“Yeah, after the sites were shut down, I was just lucky to get my money out.”

She looked confused, so I kept talking. “Did you know a couple of weeks ago they shut down the three biggest online poker sites that still offered games for US customers?”

“Really?”

I took a moment to think about this response. Now, clearly this young girl was just a teller at a random HSBC in NYC, so why should she have any knowledge of banking or financial transaction law, but on a larger scale I was still surprised that the shutdown of online poker is such a non-factor for most people. To her credit, she appeared interested.

“I’m just lucky that this site was able to work it out with the Department of Justice to release players’ funds. The two other sites shut down still haven’t worked out those details.”

“Do you have money on those too?”

“A little. I’m just crossing my fingers.”

“That’s terrible.”

“What’s really terrible is that now, when my wife wants to watch Dancing with the Stars, I have nothing to distract me.” Yes, it’s my go-to allegory about the shutdown of online poker, but I find it is actually the thing that has affected me the most, and it adds a touch of humor and humility to the conversation.

She chuckled, probably as much out of politeness as humor, and handed me my money.

“Take care,” she offered as I walked away, with my miracle money in my pocket.

Mad props to PokerStars for paying out customers.

Now, back to the tattoo. Listen up, ladies. I’m not a tattoo guy, but if a girl has a tattoo, I can work with it. However, there are two places where you should never get a tattoo. #1 is the face. That’s pretty obvious. #2 is your tits.

Tattooing your tits is a crime against God. I cannot emphasize this enough. If you tattoo your breasts, you are committing a crime against God and as an extension, all of God’s creations, including all of mankind. Because God, in his infinite wisdom, made at least one thing perfect during the 7 days it took to make the Earth (actually 6, because the lazy fuck doesn’t work Sundays): breasts. He messed up on all sorts of things, hence the duckbill platypus, the appendix, and failing to protect his son Jesus. But he got breasts right.

So, please, if you get anything from this post, you should learn not to tattoo your breasts. Now, I didn’t intend to make that the #1 point of this post, but let’s be real, you all know enough about the shutdown of online poker, but this breast issue is not getting enough media attention.

Until next time, make mine unmolested (by ink) breasts!

A Quiet Moment

May 10th, 2011

The High on Poker home office has been particularly quiet of late. Over the last few weeks, I’ve tried to write a handful of posts, but each time I come up somehow unhappy with the results. For that reason, no matter what comes out of this stream of consciousness post, I plan on hitting that Publish button.

With the end of online poker, I have made efforts to increase live play. So far, so good, with two trips to the BatCave last week and another one planned tonight. Overall, though, I am down around $500 for the year, which is a tiny sum but also a negative number. When the volume of play drops and bad spells come, it can be a disaster for a win/loss record, but I have the comfort of reminding myself that the calendar is a man-made tool that really doesn’t apply to the long term of poker. Long term, I’m still up five figures, so I have that going for me.

Some of you may have questioned how I started that last paragraph, “With the end of online poker…” but as far as I am concerned, it’s over. We may have online poker again in two years (more likely five or more), but by then it won’t be the online poker we knew and loved. It won’t be FullTilt and PokerStars, and it won’t be a world where our pack of poker bloggers meet online to play with the people we read and write to on a near daily basis. The hey days are over and even if/when online poker returns, it will be a completely new landscape.

I wish I could say that I am using my newfound time wisely. I suppose I am sleeping more and trying to do productive things, but frankly, playing online poker was just as productive as some of the other stuff occupying my time.

I’m bitter, to say the least, although I am not sure who or what I am bitter at. Online poker had to go. It was just a matter of time. But I guess we had it so good and didn’t even realize it. Now our hobby has been unceremoniously stripped from us for a host of ridiculous reasons, and it all goes back to 2006 and Bill Frist fristfucking us with the UIGEA tied to a port security bill. Sure, since then FT and Stars may have been involved with some shady financial deals, but without the UIGEA, none of that would have happened. Meanwhile, legalized, regulated, taxed online poker has existed in Europe for years and the US is looking like a fool in all of this.

It’s enough to make a man want to quit blogging. Fortunately, I know that there is never really a need to quit. When I have something to write, I’ll write.

Until then, make mine live poker.

The Workaround

April 28th, 2011

Well, folks, if you’ve just crawled out from under your rock, you are probably surprised to find out that Obama is, in fact, a U.S. American and online poker has been shut down. But fear not, folks, because you can still hate Obama for a myriad of reasons and you can still gamble on a myriad of things.

Like play money. Yep. You can gamble on play money. How? I’m glad you hypothetically asked. PayPal and the honor system.

Here’s what I propose:

On Sunday, May 1, 2011, HeffMike has set up a Play Money tournament through PokerStars’ Home Game feature. The tournament starts at 9:30PM ET, under Club ID # 415619, and password: wolverines.

Contact me via comment or email (email address accessible by that nifty link at the top left of the page under HoP Links), and you’ll be added to the party.

Here are my very simple, numbered rules to be a participant:

1. I am willing to have heads-up last longer bets, and a multi-way pool bet. I will set the amount of the pool bet as $10. If there are less than 8 people, we will play winner takes all. If there are 8 people, 2nd place will win $20 and winner will take the rest.  If we reach more than 12, then I will re-evaluate and email every participant about any change to the payout structure. Heads-up bets will naturally be heads-up.

2. Since the bets will be paid after the tournament (as opposed to collecting the wagers beforehand) I have to be somewhat selective when it comes to participants. If you are a member of our community, you are going to get the green light. If you are not a blogger but I can vouch for you, then you are going to get the green light. If you are a stranger or a lurker, you’ll have to sit this one out, but let me know if you are interested and next time we can probably work something out.

3. Payouts will be made after the tournament within a reasonable amount of time. If there are multiple people getting paid out from the multi-way pool, I will instruct you as to who you should send your buy-in.

4. If you want to be a part of a heads-up bet, please leave a comment or send me an email with the the amount of the bet, up to $20. Please make clear that you want a heads-up bet, and not a multi-way pool bet. If you want to join the multi-way pool bet, I ask that you leave a comment so that we can hopefully have an open list of people for all to see. Make sure to include a legitimate email address when filling out the comment form, so I can make a master list and eventually send out a master email to all participants. If you do not want to post your email address, email me directly with that info and also leave a comment, so we can hopefully build momentum.

5. There is always the chance that someone will join the multi-way pool bet and then disappear when it is time to pay. In the event that this happens, that person will be publicly shamed on HighOnPoker. However, I will not be responsible for any failures by an individual participant to make good. Sorry, folks, but that’s the best we can do for now.

This is a first-time, folks, so I ask that all participants be flexible, particularly when it comes time to receive your winnings post-game. If there are any fees associated with the transfers (there shouldn’t be), then the participants will only have to send the buy-in amount, and the fees will be eaten by the winner. I don’t want people trying to figure out 1.9% of $5, or whatever the transfer rate may be.

Be brave. Be strong. Be bitter.

Until next time, make mine poker!

A few days after the online poker shutdown, while I tongue-in-cheek wrote about my 5 Steps of Grief, I thought to myself that in actuality, I had already progressed to that fifth step, Acceptance. As the days pass, I’ve come to realize that perhaps I was actually still living in Step 1, Denial.
Yes, online poker is gone. That reality has seeped into me like marinade to a tender steak, although perhaps that’s an inaccurately delicious analogy. Maybe its more like a worm working its way into an apple, because I feel rotten.

I am reminded of one of my favorite scenes in all of filmdom, taken from one of the greatest Vietnam films ever, Rambo: First Blood. In the world of online poker, the mash-up feels something like this:

Trautman (a/k/a the Federal Government): You did everything to make this private war happen. You’ve done enough damage. This mission is over, Online Poker Players. Do you understand me? This passtime is over! Look at them out there! Look at them! If you won’t end this now, they will indict you. Is that what you want? It’s over Johnny. It’s over!
Rambo (a/k/a the part of myself still fighting reality): Nothing is over! Nothing! You just don’t turn it off! It wasn’t my idea to leave poker unregulated! You let it be, I didn’t ask you! And I did what I had to do to win! But somebody wouldn’t let us win! They had to shut down the sites and freeze our accounts. And I come back to the world and I see all those maggots at the Federal Government, protesting me, spitting. Calling me a gambling baby killer and all kinds of vile crap! Who are they to protest me? Who are they? Unless they’ve been me and been there and know what the hell they’re yelling about!
Trautman: It was a bad time for everyone, Rambo. It’s all in the past now.
Rambo: For *you*! For me civilian life is nothing! On the felt we had a code of honor, you watch my back, I watch yours. Back here there’s nothing!
Trautman: You’re the last of an elite group, don’t end it like this.
Rambo: Back there I could play with donkeys, I could drive up pots, I was in the running for million dollar prizepools, back here I can’t even hold a job DEALING BLACKJACK!

Is it over, Johnny? No. There will be a sequel when online poker is up and running again. But until then, it may as well be over. Until then, it’s just PTSD.

Until next time, I’ll have to find something else to do to pass the time.

Online Poker Workaround(?)

April 22nd, 2011

Hey folks. HeffMike has decided to raise the flag and call to arms all poker players and bloggers who still want to play online poker. His idea is pretty simple: a play money tournament. My simple, if obvious, addition: last longer prop bets.

Let me be frank for a moment. It isn’t poker to me unless there is money on the line. So, while I love HeffMike’s idea, I figure it wouldn’t hurt to get some real money on this event. Anyone up for a last longer bet, with the money to be paid via PayPal?

Details, as stolen from HeffMike’s blog:

OK, here’s what I figure.

What most of you really miss after Black Friday is sitting down and playing cards with each other.

Some of us played for fun, some for side money, some for an actual living… That’s the big uberpicture, and it’s being well covered in many, many places

The smaller, Blogger Tourney picture – is that with all the tourneys people hosted over the years -

the WWdN,
[Note from Jordan: Right here is where the DADI tournaments should have been listed. What short memories we all have!]
the Mookie/Dank,
the MATH,
the Skillz game,
Riverchasers,
PokerSlut,
AIPS,
Friday Donkaments,
WPBTs,
BBTs,
VeryJosie,
Survivor Island, yadayadayada
(and sorry if I missed something!)

People were essentially playing for pocket change and entertainment.

It wasn’t really about the money. It was about the play, the competition and the win.

While you can recreate a lot about online poker by going to play live, what you can’t recreate is bringing everyone together from across the country in one virtual place at the drop of a hat.

So, just because the DoJ stopped everyone in the U.S. for doing it for money – doesn’t mean you have to stop playing period.

I’m setting up a Home Game for play money on PokerStars.
I assume most of Blogger Nation has a Stars account.
You can still get a .net one if you don’t.

There will be a tourney on Sunday night, May 1, at 9:30ET.

There is NO LEGAL DANGER for doing this.
No money is at stake.
Come out and play, or don’t.
But I think by May, people will want to push some chips around and just see what’s up with everyone else.

2000 chips/10 minute levels with standard Stars setup, so it’ll be a decent structure without taking all night.

Let’s just play some cards and have a few hours of fun.
There might be 3 players, there might be 30.

If it works out OK, maybe there will be some occasional tourneys that are something else besides unlimited hold them on Sundays. That’s probably the best time of the week to do something like this, with no football/Sunday majors/like you’re really watching Brothers & Sisters anyway you momo…

If not – we’ll that’s OK too.

I know it’s hard to sit there and play for a couple hours with nothing but pride at stake.

I just figured that it’s silly to just throw in the towel when there is an avenue for everyone to get together and play. While I doubt anything about online poker will be the same whenever it’s legal for Americans to play for real $$ again, this is what we have right now.

It’s a small gesture of civil disobedience. Club is named BBT in Exile.

*****
- Open the main poker lobby, then click on the Home Games tab
- Click the ‘Join a Poker Club’ button
- Enter my Club ID number: 415619
- Enter my Invitation Code: wolverines
*****

Step 4: Depression

April 22nd, 2011

Nobody loves Eeyore. Nobody loves illegal E-commerce either.

Depression. I can barely get up the emotional energy to write this one.

Do you know what feels like depression? Boredom. I always thought that to be true, especially when I found myself sinking into depression during my first year of law school. I wasn’t working at the time (I worked part time during years two and three) and I would end my classes sometimes as early as noon, with little to do for the rest of the day. I was left with two options: hang out with the overcompetitive pukes that populated my law school (and spent all afternoon trying to up each other by studying more) or hang out at my apartment solo. It was during one too many days of killing time that I began to realize how much of a bummer it was. Then I found online poker, and I found a way to kill time that kept me from the doldrums (and exchanged it with rage from bad beats and frustrations from being card dead).

Facing the precipice of a life without online poker, my depression has come in a new form. After careful consideration, I’ve come to realize that there is a chance that this may actually be a bigger nail in the online poker coffin than many of us originally presumed.

If you follow the Neteller model, eventually our moneys will all be released (same as with the Neteller situation) and there will be workarounds to allow us to continue to play the game we love. If you read enough blogs, you’d assume that in a manner of months, there will be new legislation pushed by the brick and mortar casinos encouraging the legalization of online poker, now that their biggest three competitors have been neutered. But have you considered the other possibility?

Consider this. You work for the Wynn and you just agreed to partner with PokerStars in the hope and expectation that in the near future, you can get online poker legalized and use your PokerStars affiliation to get a leg up on the competition, in terms of branding/marketing, software development, and a player base.

Now consider that PokerStars has been frozen out of the US market and a month or two later, you notice that your revenue has increased because of poker players coming to the casinos to get their fix. While there, the poker players generate some meager rake, but also pay for drinks at the bar or food at the restaurant or a hotel room. They also splurge on craps and blackjack.

Picture realizing that the death of online poker means increased revenue for your brick and mortar casino, without the added risks and expenses commiserate with establishing an online poker site in a new market where such things are regulated by the government.

Can’t you see a scenario where the indictments actually encourage the brick and mortar casinos to fight against online poker? They had been largely coming around to the reality that online poker was going to happen, so they may as well join the party sooner rather than later. But what now?

Of course, this is all a hypothetical. And Wynn is probably not the best example, given that other casinos (Harrahs/Caesars, for instance) have a wider reach when it comes to live casino poker, with properties in a slew of states. But it could happen, and if it does, what we all thought was a couple of months or years in the making may become utterly unlikely.

Plus, what about this blog and the other blogs out there? First, there is little more depressing than reading the doom and gloom or even in depth coolheaded analysis that surrounds this topic, day in and day out. But on a larger level, without online poker, is there really enough fodder out there for this and other poker blogs?

Nobody loves online poker in the government. Same as Eeyore.

Until next time, make my favorite hobby impossible!


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