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High On Poker

Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers is a book about success, and even moreso the factors that come together to create success. Like his two previous books, The Tipping Point and Blink, Outliers
comes to some surprising conclusions about the recipe for success. The book also lends itself nicely to the world of poker, where we all seem to strive for the answer to the question of what makes a poker player great.

The 10,000 Hour Rule
In one of the earlier chapters, Gladwell looked at successes in a variety of fields and found that one general rule applied. In order to become a world-class expert in a given field, the participant had to practice for 10,000 hours. That’s why certain people who were fortunate to have unparalleled access to computers at a young age were able to become the titans of the computer world today. From Gladwell’s book, the 10,000 hour rule holds steady across multiple disciplines, including chess and music. It just seems to be a general rule (and an odd one at that) that in any discipline one needs 10,000 hours in order to develop the skills or experience to become a world class expert.

It’s fairly clear how this applies to poker. Ever since the advent of Internet poker, we’ve all heard the lament that the online prodigies can get as much experience as an old timey pro in a small fraction of the time. But does this make them equal in experience?

Perhaps not. Perhaps it is the time spent on the activity, rather than the amount of hands played. It’s an odd possibility. It’s about as much training the mind to think in a certain way, as it is experiencing a hand. It is as much about processing that hand as it is playing it.

All that said, the advent of online poker means that the online player has way more access to games anyway, so he is likely to reach 10,000 hours before a live-only player. So, those online players definitely can (and probably have) closed that gap much quicker than a new live-only player. The 10,000 hour rule also means that there may actually be a holy grail of competence. I’m not saying I agree 100% with Gladwell, but if the studies he cites are legitimate, there is likely something there.

Consider this: If a very casual poker player plays a couple of hours per week (let’s go with 2 hrs/week), it would take almost 100 years to reach 10,000 hours. If a nightly online junkie puts in 4 hours per night, it would take almost 7 years to master the game. 7 years! I’m only maybe 6 years into the game and I don’t come close to 4 hours per night. A casino grinder who puts in an average of a regular work week (40 hours/week) would take 4.8 years to have logged enough hours to be considered a world-class expert.

In other words, quick bitching. You still have about 8,000 hours to go.

Rather than make an uber post, I’ll break this off here and pick up the next post with more from Outliers.

Until next time, make mine poker!

I was quite surprised to see an email from hometown and college bud J-Dub with a simple request:

Poker Blog topic: Analyze the lyrics to lady gaga's poker face. Now go write. Go!

How can a man argue with that?

In case you don’t know, Poker Face is a pop/dance song from Lady Gaga. Even if you don’t know the title or the artist, I can almost guarantee that you’ve heard the song before. At first, I hated it. Then I heard her say “Poker Face” in the chorus and hated it more. But finally, I saw Gaga perform it on American Idol (it’s wifey Kim’s fault) and I realized that Gaga did not just steal the concept of a “poker face” for her song; her song is replete with poker analogies. And so, with commentary, enjoy the lyrics of Lady Gaga’s Poker Face:

Mum mum mum mah
Mum mum mum mah
[Okay, so right away, we have some things that are fairly common in poker. Eating. I like to go with the ole nyum nyum nyum, but Gaga goes with the "muh"s clearly indicating that she overeats to the point that she cannot form a decent nyum. But, poker players are largely slobs and are willing to eat at a nasty poker table, so score one for the Gaga]

I wanna hold em’ like they do in Texas, please
[Good, she acknowledges hold'em's birthplace. 2 for the Gaga.]
Fold em’ let em’ hit me, raise it baby, stay with me
[And we have our first fail. "Hit me?" Wrong game honey, and now everyone knows that you are probably holding two small cards and are hoping for a Ten in Blackjack. Gaga 2; Poker 1]
Luck and intuition play the cards with spades to start
[Luck and intuition are definitely parts of the game. Spades to start? Try crubs, erm, I mean clubs. They always get there. But since high cards start dealing, and spades is the highest suit, I'll give it to Gaga. Gaga 3; Poker 1]
And after he’s been hooked I’ll play the one that’s on his heart
[Damn, Gaga. Are you playing in the WSOP? Just like lady luck, she waits for you to be hooked on poker before breaking your heart and your bankroll. Gaga 4; Poker 1]

Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh
I’ll get him hot, show him what I’ve got
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh
I’ll get him hot, show him what I’ve got
[Let's take this all at once. "Oh, oh, oh" is not a poker face, bitch. It's a tell. And showing what you got may piss a man off when you win, but I don't think it'll get him "hot" as in horny. Gaga 4; Poker 2]

Can’t read my, can’t read my
No he can’t read my poker face
(She’s got me like nobody)
Can’t read my, can’t read my
No he can’t read my poker face
(She’s got me like nobody)
[This is a simple push. No real substance here.]

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
[Social misfits like stutterers may be more inclined to play poker, as it is an underground type thing, and once again, Gaga is eating at the table, so let's give it to her. Gaga 5; Poker 1]

I wanna roll with him a hard pair we will be
[Sorry, Gags. Dream Team Poker aside, poker is a singles game. No pairing up. That's collusion! Gaga 5; Poker 2]
A little gambling is fun when you’re with me
[Wha? Gambling is ALWAYS fun. In fact, just having you around is a distraction. Get the fuck out. Gaga 5; Poker 3]
Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun
[And regular roulette is not the same without a ball. So what? Score for poker. Gaga 5; Poker 4]
And baby when it’s love, if its not rough it isn’t fun
[Hmm...on one hand, there is no poker content. On the other hand, Gaga likes it rough, and I find that to be the correct position on such carnal matters. Gaga 6; Poker 4]

[Chorus]

I won’t tell you that I love you
Kiss or hug you
Cause I’m bluffin’ with my muffin
[Wait. What? What is that supposed to mean, "bluffin' with my muffin"? Is that a vagina comment. Are you a dude!? Oh geez! That explains the Adam's apple. Gaga 6; Poker 5]
I’m not lying
I’m just stunnin’
With my love-glue-gunning
[I knew you were a dude! Put your "glue gun" away, you perv. Aw, and to think I let you give me head. Aw! Gaga 6; Poker 5; Jordan's latent homosexuality 1]

Just like a chick in the casino
Take your bank before I pay you out
[Look lady, I don't care what you say at this point. You're a dude. Jesus! What will the guys think. You better not tell them. And put your dick away! Gaga 6; Poker 6, just because I'm bitter; Jordan's latent homosexuality 2]
I promise this, promise this
Check this hand ’cause I’m marvelous
[Ok, Gaga, you won my love back with the hand job. And, I reconsidered the last line and you were right, the casino usually takes your cash via rake before paying you out . So, I'll reverse that decision and give you a point here for making it to showdown. Gaga 8; Poker 5; Jordan's latent homosexuality 3]

[CHORUS]

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face(Mum mum mum mah)P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face(Mum mum mum mah)

So, congratulations to Lady Gaga for having a more-accurate-than-not poker song. And congratulations for me, because Lady Gaga’s score is higher than my latent homosexuality, therefore proving once and for all that I am not gay, regardless of that time in college.

Until next time, make mine poker!


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