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High On Poker

I got some great feedback from last post’s You Decide #57 & 58. Thanks for all of the contributors, since posts like that go nowhere unless people are willing to share their thoughts intelligently. The general consensus is that in the first hand, I should have bet on the turn when I hit my fullhouse to build the pot. Acorn was kind enough to admit that he would’ve folded at that point, and I would’ve avoided the rivered suckout. The only person who seemed to agree with the logic behind my turn-check was Matty Ebs, but that’s no surprise, since Matty and I have independently developed very similar playing styles. Of course, my second error in that hand was the river-call, and I think from the majority of the comments, its clear that this was a definite error. That’s not to say that the turn-check isn’t a definite error. I just think that the river-call was irrefutably wrong, whereas I could at least argue for the turn-check.

The second hand had a lot more dissension amongst the ranks. Some people thought I should push with AK to lessen my competitors, whereas others agree with my call because it allows me to control the pot, avoid situations where I am pushing into superior hands, and potentially allow me to build a side pot if I hit big. I have to admit that after all of the analysis, I’m calling this one a split decision. I think a call or a push are two acceptable plays, and to keep from being predictable, I’d probably advocate splitting your action between the two, leaning more toward the push. So let’s go with 60% of the time, I’d push, and 40% of the time, I’d call. We all too often want a definitive answer to whether one should call, raise or fold in a given situation, but not all hands are like that. But hey, what do I know? Clearly, I didn’t play either of those hands optimally, so we can all be wrong once or twice.

Last night, I sorta won the Hoy. Wifey Kim and I were in the bedroom watching one of her shows when I noticed she had passed out. I was not willing to watch Dance Wars alone. Shit, I only put up with it as long as I did because I love wifey Kim. I have to admit, though, that when I saw her asleep, I mentally thought, “SCORE!” It was 9:45 and I was thinking about playing the Hoy, but opted to skip it, since I wanted to spend time with wifey Kim even more. With her asleep, the decision was obvious. I ran into the living room, fired up the comp, and settled in to play.

Before the game started, I was chatting with some people when the Other Jordan sent me an IM that basically just said, “win it tonight.” I responded simply enough, “okay,” but in an odd way, I could sorta feel that my time was due. After the discussion of yesterday’s hands, I was in the right mindset and I decided to play the entire game with purposeful actions. Every time I did something, I first thought to myself, “why am I doing this?” or “what should I bet/raise if I want x to happen?”

Things started off well enough. I chipped up relatively early and I didn’t look back. I was getting some decent cards as well, but the key was that I was playing off of my image in order to maximize the values of my stronger hands. To some people, all they see are the good cards or the good flop, but they forget that you have to be able to get your opponent to pay you off in those situations. Whatever the case, I was simultaneously bullying the early tables while getting paid off when I actually had the goods. Nothing is more scary than a ‘lucky’ player, so I was trying to trade off that image as well.

A little while after moving from my first table, I saw a chat comment from PirateLawyer, “You have no excuse not to cash now.” He made a couple of other encouraging statements, but all I could think was, “The pressure is on now.” Still, I felt confident in my game, having come across no problems yet, so I continued plugging away, all the while doing my best not to put any undue pressure on myself.

About midway through, I suffered a two-outter suckout when my set turned into a fullhouse compared to my opponent’s overpair. I got him all-in on the flop and the river was his set/fullhouse, causing me to recoil in horror. And then I went back to my tilt-control mode, where I mentally talk myself down from the feeling of anxious adrenaline coursing through my body. From there, I admittedly went a lot more tight/passive, but it was due in large part to the fact that, although I still had 10k in chips (down from probably 15k or so), there were a few players with similar sized stacks by that point in the game.

I was moved to a table of all bigstacks and tried to keep quiet. Finally, I was moved to the smaller-stack table and re-began my aggression. At the final table, I was actually in the bottom half, but was able to make it to the money with about 11k in chips. Two of my opponents, MiamiDon and Mike_Maloney, had about $19-20, and Astin, my last opponent, had about 15k. Suddenly, Don asks about a chop. After a previous debacle, I didn’t want to do a chop online, but I couldn’t turn down the opportunity, given my stack size, the escalating blinds, the good players left, and the fact that Don was on my immediate left, making things extra difficult.

So, I asked, “Even chop 4-ways?” Mike_Maloney agreed. I agreed. And then Astin agreed. Done and done, I pushed without thinking, mostly because that’s what I’d do in most chopped situations. The reality is that I would’ve preferred to play it out for the top spot. Sadly, I only had Q5o, and was called by Don and Mike. They both had better hands (Mike had QJ), but I flopped my 5 and took down the pot. I guess I started a trend because everyone pushed on the next hand, which saw me with JJ. From there, I won the tournament, and sent Mike, who was out in 4th, his share of the winnings.

So, yeah, I “won” the Hoy, but so did Don, Mike and Astin. I just hope Hoy gets it right for his year-long stats.

I’ll leave you today with a fun hand between Surflexus and I. Interestingly enough, Surf called me on my cell phone in the afternoon today. It’s rare I hear from him via phone, so I took the call and chatted briefly. He wanted to congratulate me on my win last night. Like the Other Jordan and PirateLawyer, Surf wished me luck in the tournament after I felted him. Surf is a great guy and a fantastic poker player, so his words of encouragement only added more pressure (of the positive variety). Today, after I explained the “win” situation, he mentioned the one hand where I felted him. Ironically, its the one hand I saved from the tournament. Withour further adieu:

We are in the Hoy, a shorthanded tournament with blinds of 30/60. We have 7255, more than twice our nearest competitor at the 6-person table. In the BB, we are dealt AQs.

Preflop, it folds to Surf on the button with 2910. Surf raises to 210, which I think is just a pot-sized raise if you use that handy “Pot” button on the slidebar. It folds to me and I opt to call. My call is for a couple of reasons. First, I am out of position, so I don’t want to let this pot get too big too fast. Second, I’d been very aggressive and I normally have an aggressive image, so sometimes slowing down can be very profitable if the right situation arises. Third, AQs is a drawing hand, so I want to see a flop before I know my next move. Finally, I was playing against Surf, and I have too much respect for his game to try to get too fancy in this particular situation. So, I call the 150 more and we see a flop.

The flop came down 579, with two spades, giving me a draw to the nut flush. I check again. I considered betting here, but once again, I don’t have a made hand just yet, so I check to the bettor and hope that he doesn’t bet me out of the pot. With a 440 pot, Surf bet 240. That made my call 240 to win 680, not to mention the implied odds of if I hit. The board looks great for me, considering the low cards make two-pair unlikely and sets are generally unlikely so my two over-cards may still be in play if I can pair up. I opt for a call, once again hoping to keep the pot manageable. I could double up Surf here and still be healthy, but I don’t need to bust Surf, so why even take that risk. I just need to keep the winning momentum.

The turn was a glorious 3 of spades, making me my nut-flush. At this point, I had to consider my next move. If I check, I give him a chance to check behind and don’t add any more dough to the pot. I needed a bet that looked like I was intentionally representing the flush. In other words, I wanted my bet to scream FLUSH! so much that Surf would naturally think that I couldn’t possibly have the flush. This works mostly because I know Surf is smart enough to understand the concept that a known LAG player like me would also have it in my arsenal to represent a flush once a scarecard comes off. Exploiting image is a recurring theme at HoP, mostly because I find it to be a very effective tool, especially since I have a very specific and fairly wide-known image. It’s almost comical, because I write about my image and exploiting my image all the time here, but that doesn’t make it any less effective. Of course, that’s merely because my LAG image is largely correct. But like some more successful LAG players, I find value in knowing how to profit from that image. Conversely, my LAG image is a handicap when I lose that control and the blind aggression of LAG poker takes over entirely.

Wow, that’s a long diatribe to say that I was intentionally misleading Surf by betting a bet that obviously represented a flush. I bet out 930, a pot-sized bet, which I have learned through DP always looks suspicious, and Surf called.

The river was a 4d, which made a four-card straight if Surf or I had a 6 (57934). By now, I had “represented” the flush and Surf called my bet, leading me to believe that he did not believe my representation. Perfect! If you had a shitty hand, tried to steal from out of position on a scare card on the turn, and got called, what would you do on the river? To me, the answer was obvious. By then, I would’ve given up on the hand and checked. So, that’s what I did. I checked. Surf only had 1500 left, which was less than the pot, so I wanted to induce a desperation push. When a bully takes a swing, misses, and then checks, its only logical that you should bet because the bully likely has jack squat. Even if you have nothing, a bet might be tempting there, since you can’t win the hand by checking AND you have every reason to believe that the bully has given up on the hand. Surf obliged by betting 600. I wanted to insta-raise, but I waited for the 15-second warning before re-Hoying. Surf couldn’t take the hint and put his last $1 into the pot and I called. He showed 77 for middle set and I took down the pot.

On its face, its just another lucky hand. But the key was that I was able to get paid off for his entire stack. This is a bit of a Hoyism, but I am always looking to stack my opponents on major hands like this. It’s the same thing I tried to do yesterday with the 22 hand. I checked the turn because I wanted to sell a weaker image. My opponent in that hand hit a 4-outter (any Ten or Queen would do), and I lost a small-ish amount. But if he didn’t hit that river, I think I could’ve taken a lot more chips from Acorn.

That’s all for today from HoP. Excuse the long posts, but my ideas are flowing. It’s times like this that I want to play poker early and often. Once again, I feel tuned into the game. You can probably see it in my writing, and hopefully we’ll see it somemore in my upcoming results. Tonight, I return to the Wall Street Game for a very special tournament in honor of 23Skidoo‘s monthly NYC trip. On Wednesday, I return to the Wall Street Game again for a 7pm tournament only. And on Thursday, I might even return to a different homegame that Matty Ebs got me into in the past. Last time, I won the tourney for $400+, so I hope it all comes together.

Until next time, make mine poker!

You Decide #57 and #58

January 6th, 2008

I’m very frustrated by my online game of late. I lost a buyin at $100 max NLHE last night when I made some stupid calls. I lost a couple of tournaments to the same sort of issues. I can’t justify most of my errors. Plain and simple, I am not playing my best, and really, I must play your best each and every time if I want to succeed online. Of course, that assumes I want to succeed online, and that I am not just playing through some self-flagulation ritual nightly on the computer.

I played in the Brit Bloggament yesterday afternoon after a friendly reminder IM from AlCantHang. Al and I made it to the top 5 before he went out 5th with me out 4th. Top 3 paid.

While I was playing, DP from WiredPairs and I were chatting, and we were discussing a couple of my hands after they played out. We had differing views, but with some time, I have come to appreciate his opinions on both hands. That doesn’t mean I am 100% convinced, though, so I decided to use this wonderful resource call the Interweb to ask my readers if they can point me in the right direction. So, let’s dust this baby off, as I offer you:

You Decide #57
So, we are in the Brit Bloggament, with blinds of 50/100, and I have 3248, good for the chipleader position at my table. I am dealt 22 on the button, and when it folds to me, I limp. LittleAcornMan, longtime blogger and pal, calls from the SB with 2515, and the BB, who is sittnig out, is forced to autofold. (Note: I just noticed from the hand history that the sitting out player was auto-folded, even though there was no raise and he already had his BB in. Weird, but I guess it makes sense.)

The flop was Qx2dTd, giving me bottom set on a draw-heavy board. When Acorn checks, I bet out 300, since I don’t necessarily put him on any draw and I want to get some action for my bottom set. He calls.

The turn is Th, making the board, QT2T with two diamonds. Acorn checks again and with a full house, I check as well. Now I am hoping he is on a draw. After all, his flat call looks like a draw and he sure as hell didn’t hit it with the Ten. I want him to hit his flush or straight, or for that matter, I want him to have a Ten and now suddenly think that he is slowplaying me.

The river is a Qs, making the board QT2TQ. Suddenly, I have the third-best fullhouse. Acorn bets 800 into the 900 pot, and I think it over before flat calling. He has Q2 and I lose. LEMON!

This is the conversation between DP and I after the hand:

Jordan: i had to call that river
DP: coulda maybe found a fold on the river imo
DP: but either way teh sickness
Jordan: there was too good of a chance that he was playing A strong
DP: i don’t know that guy
Jordan: my flop bet was to appear like a position bet
Jordan: the turn check was to sell the story
Jordan: by the river, i was hoping he had a busted flush draw
DP: flop i don’t think he called with nothing
DP: turn he checked b/c he thought u might have hit three tens
DP: river bet by him is very strong
DP: only thing you beat is A or K high
DP: well, only thing you really beat is a busted draw
Jordan: or pocket pairs
DP: one hand KJ
DP: or pure bluff
Jordan: nah,
DP: but the bet wasn’t huge on the river
Jordan: exactly
Jordan: hence why it was worth the call
Jordan: his range is HUGE
Jordan: busted flushes, AK, AJ, pocket pairs
Jordan: based on the action, any of those except maybe the pocket pairs would bet out 800 on the river
Jordan: as would a Q or T
DP: naturally
DP: i think his range in that particular spot was very limited, that river bet he lead out with exuded strength, barring any blatant reads (i have none on that player; and have not been paying attention to the other players at your table)
Jordan: so i just called 800, leaving me 2000 behind
Jordan: i know the player
Jordan: but i still think you are off
Jordan: i should add he’s teh type of player willing to stab at pots
Jordan: i suppose that’s a big point
DP: well, it’s good to get different views on hands, anyway
Jordan: cause he knows me, and i have a loose rep
DP: true
Jordan: absolutely
Jordan: and maybe i’m wrong
Jordan: btw, back to a nice stack
Jordan: brb
Jordan: going to enjoy this break
DP: barring any reads, i just had a terrible feeling about that card and how he bet that river
DP: and i’m not just saying that after seeing his hand and the result, that has nothing to do with my opinion of course
DP: obviously
Jordan: the more i think of it, the more i’m coming around
Jordan: i think you were right about that last hand
DP: yeah
DP: you go to Starbucks?

So, is DP right, or am I right? The way I saw it at the time, Acorn had a wide open range. The way DP saw it, it was pretty clear that I was beat by the river. I do see DP’s point. So, should I have saved my river bet, or was my call correct? Keep in mind, I had about 2800 left before calling the 800, so I knew I had chips to play with if I lost.

You Decide #58

We are in the same tournament. The blinds are now 75/150, and I made a minor comeback to 3048, good for 2nd chip leader at my table. I was dealt AKd on the SB, and after a limp by UTG, Cell in UTG+2 raised all-in for 630 total. I opt to flat call, chipleader Acorn in the BB folds, and the original limper with 1872 folds. It is now just me and Cell. He has TT and I flop a King, giving me the winning hand.

This is the conversation between DP and I after the hand:

DP: i insta-shove there preflop
DP: to make sure it’s isolated unless they other two have a huge hand
Jordan: i’d rather have more players to pay me if i hit
DP: but that worked well
Jordan: its a drawing hand
DP: yah but you will whiff the flop 2/3 the time
Jordan: yeah, so i only lose 500
DP: you want it to be heads up with the short stack to maximize your chances of winning don’t you
DP: and see all 5 cards
Jordan: but i see your point, actually
DP: it’s all good

Is it all good? Really? Or should I have pushed to isolate. At the time, I did some instantaneous ranges in my head.

The pusher likely had a good hand. I figured him for a pair at least, but I suppose AK, AQ or even AJ is possible in hindsight, since the blinds were high and he was close to the blinds. In any event, I figured it for a cointoss, with a very slim likelihood I was dominating.

The problem came with the ranges of the players after me. I had no idea about Acorn, since he had not yet acted, but I was conscious of the fact that he had me covered in chips. The UTG limper didn’t scare me as much, but there is always the chance that an UTG limper is AA waiting to re-raise. In any event, those players could have anything. Therefore, I didn’t want to push. If I push, one of three things happens: (1) they fold, in which case, it is HU anyway, (2) they call, in which case, they may have mediocre cards worse than me since the all-in was for cheap OR they could have a pocket pair that has me beat preflop, and (3) they can re-raise, but only if they have a monster.

If they re-raise, I fold AK happily. I have nothing to prove. If they call, then I get a chance to see if I hit. If I do, then I can try to build a side pot. If I don’t, I happily check it down with their mediocre hand.

My big fear is re-raising blind there. I don’t want to push all-in because I am ONLY called by AA and KK, and possibly QQ, but that is still a cointoss at best. I want more players in the pot with my drawing hand (AK). DP’s belief is that by pushing, I force lesser hands out (and possibly some pocket pairs) and allow myself to go HU againt the pusher.

It’s two theories that both are grounded in logic. I just can’t decide which one is more correct.

Any insight would be appreciated.

Until next time, make mine poker!

Tilt Tamer

January 4th, 2008

I had some quiet time yesteday after work, spending some time with wifey Kim, and beating a few boards on Mario Galaxy. Just the sheer thought of saying that I am playing Mario Galaxy shames me on a certain level. I love games of all sorts, and the Mario games are no exception. It’s just a damn shame that Nintendo still insists on targeting younger audiences. The innovation of the Wii system is what convinced me to actually buy a console (the last one I bought was Nintendo’s N64, and thereafter, merely used my brother/roommate’s PS2 before carpal tunnel got me to just about quit). Still, if Nintendo had more mature games, like the Godfather game or GTA games, I’d be a bit less squeamish about playing it. I mean, an almost-thirty guy chasing after Stars to save Princess Peach is a little, well, you can choose your own adjective.

After all of that, I felt the need to man up, so to speak, so I turned on my laptop (with new battery!) and began playing some tournaments. The first tournament I entered was a $20 single table SNG on Bodog. I then immediately entered a 6-player SNG on Bodog for $35+3, which is a tad higher than I am used to, but still within my comfort level (but not my bankroll level). I chose to try a more expensive tournament because the player base at Bodog is exactly as I heard: terrible. It’s actually caused me to start keeping notes on players, since a donktastic play warrants a note moreso than any other act. If a guy is willing to raise big preflop with ATo UTG in a full SNG, I want to know that. If he is willing to call re-raises all-in, even better.

On my very first hand of the 6-max SNG, I was dealt AA. Even with my minor recent successes at Bodog, I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach that I was going to lose the hand. Part of it was the feeling that I have not been running well online. I’ve had a few minor cashes in SNGs at Bodog, but I can’t win a token SNG to save my life at FT lately. It’s a lot of bad beats not worth mentioning, even though I just mentioned it. My bad. The feeling of doom was enhanced by the fact that I was “taking a shot” at a higher SNG. I usually stick to $10-$20 affairs. But somewhere in the middle of the hand, I thought to myself, “If you think you are going to lose, you will lose.”

UTG in a 6-max game, I raised to 6x the BB, aka 120. I usually raise to 3x the BB consistently, but it was the first hand of the game and I wanted one caller at most. I was concerned that the Bodog players would all call the 60 and I’d be putting myself in harms way. UTG+1 called, the next player folded, and then the button raised to 300. When it folded to me, I raised to 930 by hitting the “BET POT” button, hoping to squeeze out the caller between us and force a push by the re-raiser. The re-raiser just flat-called and we saw a K-high flop, with two diamonds. I pushed immediately and was called by JJ with one diamond. This was the moment that I had the “If you think you are going to lose, you will lose” thought. The turn was a diamond, giving my opponent a four-card flush draw, and the river was an offsuit Jack, giving him a set over my Aces. I closed the window and seethed with anger and frustration. I felt it well up inside of me.

Meanwhile, I was accumulating chips in the full table SNG I was playing at Bodog. I felt the urge to play a questionable hand and immediatly identified my tilt. I hit the fold button and stood up from the couch. I paced the floor a bit to run off some energy. It was a weird thing. My tilt felt tangible. I knew it was there. But it did not feel like it was a part of me. It felt…separate somehow. I didn’t feel upset beyond that initial pang, but my actions were still not tuned into the game I was playing.

As I paced, I also folded about 3-5 hands that were folding hands regardless of my mood. I felt the calm wash over me and I returned to my seat. I was happy that I let the tilt fade and kept control the whole way.

The SNG was in a lull, as I switched to a tight mode after accumulating chips. I opted to fire up a FullTilt $8.70 turbo two-table Token SNG, and then a 45-person turbo SNG on Stars. I played all three tournaments tight. In both of the turbo SNGs (FT and Stars), it is a smart strategy to play tight until the blinds catch up with you. But in the end, I lost both when I pushed with AQ with a stack of around 10x the BB and were called by lesser hands. One was KJ, and the other was J8. Those losses, I handled a lot better.

I continued to dominate the Bodog SNG until we were three-handed. Then I lost a major hand and found myself to be the shortstack. Inevitably, I lost, taking home 3rd place money.

Overall, the night was a wash. I lost more money than I won, but not every night can be a winner. Instead, I practiced some self-control, which will hopefully pay off in the future.

* * *

I just wanted to take a moment to thank the commentors to my last post. A lot of you liked the fact that I kept my cool. I really didn’t see another option. Wifey Kim always comes first, and this was a trip about her friends. I didn’t have to love the guy; I just needed to endure him. Still, I appreciate the comments and I appreciate the jokes even moreso. I especially appreciated Goat’s list of board games and the nations/races to avoid. The only one he missed was the game of Life. Never play the game of Life against a Sicilian or you’ll fall into one of the two classic blunders . The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Sicilian when Life is on the line!

* * *

I’ve been reading a lot of year-end posts that seem to suggest the same thing. A lot of poker bloggers are falling out of love with the game. I understand where they are coming from, but I would venture to say that more than 4/5 of those bloggers will continue to play and blog in some capacity. You can take the poker player away from the poker, but you can’t take the poker away from the poker player. It’ll always be there waiting to be rediscovered. The same is true for blogging. Even if you quit, you’ll still be one of us. That’s all meant to say that I think these lulls are very natural. Go out, enjoy life, and if/when you are ready, poker and blogging will be here waiting for you. It’s the same thing they say about walking away from a losing session: The game won’t seize to exist just because you have to walk. It’ll be here tomorrow.

Until next time, make mine poker!

Antisemitic Monopoly

January 3rd, 2008

I think the winter break has caused me a little blog-rust, so I’ll do my best to warm up this week and hopefully get back into full swing next week. My poker play has been minimal. I am currently distracted by Mario Galaxy on the Wii and Command & Conquer 3 on the PC, not to mention Scabulous on facebook.com (I’m listed under the name Guadalupe Hidalgo, if you want to go a few rounds). I love me some games, so these have been keeping me happy while I take a break from online poker. But it’s only a matter of time before I’m back with the whore that is online poker. I just have to remember those immortal words from lyricist AndrĂ© Romell Young, “You can’t make a ho a housewife.”

With that all said, I prepared the following story a week ago, but wasn’t sure if I was going to publish it. Rather than leave you with some more drivel, I instead ask that you enjoy:

***WARNING: NO POKER CONTENT***

Just before AC, wifey Kim and I went up to her friend’s ski home in the boondocks. One of wifey Kim’s friends from college was in town from Colorado, so another friend from upstate New York, wifey Kim, and her LI friend all agreed to meet up at the ski house. Since we would be in the middle of nowhere, we all brought copious amounts of board games as a means to pass the time. Frankly, I love games of any type, hence my unhealthy love (read: obsession) with poker, so I was cool with a weekend holed up in a cabin with board games and excessive amounts of alcohol.

On night two, me and the three other guys decided to play some Monopoly. It was me, the host, the poker-playing boyfriend, and the Colorado fiance. The Colorado fiance (“CF”) was the only person I had not previously met. When wifey Kim’s friend moved to Colorado, she met CF, a car salesman originally from Iowa. He seemed nice enough, aside from the fact that the chick wore the pants in the relationship. I don’t begrudge that dynamic. Some guys like that sorta thing. But this guy clearly had no backbone, allowing one of the other dudes to rag on his chick right in front of him without saying a word to step in. Still, all he was to me was some random guy to chill with, so I didn’t have any problems with him or his spinelessness.

The chicks were obviously too smart to play Monopoly, one of the most frustratingly competitive games around. But that was all for the best, as the guys were able to play super fast to make a normally 3-hour game a simple 1:30. The first game went off well. CF and I had different properties, so we didn’t have any occasions to make deals, but it still went smoothly. The second game, however, was later in the night, and was preceded by a lot of alcohol.

After we all made our way around the board a few times, most of the property was bought up and it was time for the dealing stage of the game. I had a slew of properties, but naturally no monopolies, so I surveyed the other players’ properties and realized that CF and I had a lot of what the other one needed.

I began firing off offers. Most, if not all, were reasonable. After all, for him or I to take down the game, we needed each others’ help. Over time, I began to realize that he wasn’t willing to make a deal with me. The first tip off was the fact that he wouldn’t even look at me. Then he began to look toward the other two players for deals. Ridiculous deals. Deals that would be much worse for him than any deal he could make with me. Luckily, the two other guys didn’t want what he had, so they rejected his offer.

It was at this moment that he began making comments about not trusting my deals. His exact line was something along the lines of, “I’m a used car salesman and you’re a Jew. This deal won’t work.” I didn’t really mind that comment. I am a Jew. Still, I figured it was just a playful joke, since he was also riffing on the stereotype for used car salesmen. I figured that for whatever personal reason, he either saw me as the biggest threat in the game or otherwise crafty. In reality, I love Monopoly, but I’m terrible at it. But, since he clearly didn’t trust me, I made him an offer he couldn’t refuse: “Look, you have two railroads and I have two railroads; you have Baltic and I have Mediterranean (the two parts for the cheapest monopoly in the game). I’ll trade you the two railroads for Baltic, or my Mediterranean for your two railroads.”

His answer: “No. ” That was it. No.

This is when one of the other guys stepped in. The other guy, the upstate boyfriend (“US”) is also a poker player. He’s smart, too. He offered this sentiment: “That’s ridiculous. If someone offers you either end of a deal, you can’t lose. If one is better than the other, choose that one. If they are equal, then it doesn’t make a difference.”

At this point, it became obvious that there were going to be no deals between CF and I. I asked him for any offer. Just make an offer and I’ll see if its reasonable. At this point, I was fairly frustrated. It was clear that he had something against me specifically. He finally showed his cards when he mumbled angrily: “I know better than to make a deal with a Jew.” The word Jew was said with particular disgust.

I’m not the type of person to get upset by jokes. I understand that people are different in the world and that those differences can be very funny when treated with levity. I don’t even mind joking about stereotypes. But his behavior at the game followed by that statement led me to the obvious, and, in fact, stated conclusion: He wouldn’t make a deal with me BECAUSE I was a Jew.

When I heard that last statement, I was taken aback. What the fuck, people. I know some of you might have your own misconception about Jews, but here’s the real deal. People, in general, are more similar to each other than we are different. This is a basic tenant of Tibetan Buddhism. We are so similar in so many ways. On the most basic level, we all want to be happy and avoid suffering. We all share the same basic emotions. We even share the same general ideals. Judaism and Christianity, at their core, are both about being a good person. All religions are. So, the thought that Jews are in any way different from non-Jews is just absurd.

The general stereotype is that Jews are stingy and will do anything for a dollar. Well, I am a Jew, and that is not me. In my life, I have been very fortunate to never run into serious forms of antisemitism. And here I was at a Monopoly game being told that I couldn’t be trusted to make a deal because I was a Jew.

I was flabbergasted. Still, I was there for wifey Kim, so I took a deep breath and thought it out in my head. I could get offensive and start calling him out as a white trash, podunk, sleazy car from some small town in Iowa. I could get defensive and fight that ridiculous statement. Or, I could be smart about it.

The reality is that CF was probably a victim of circumstance. Living in Iowa, he probably was not exposed to any Jewish people. His impression of Jews probably came from his parents and friends, and not from any personal interaction. Does that make his comment any less obnoxious? No. But it is always important to remember the source. The guy is a loser, with a capital L. Why should I waste time and energy trying to defend myself or change his ways. Fuck that. This was Monopoly, baby, and I was going to beat him on the board.

Two hands later, after everyone turned down his offers, he turned to me in frustrated desperation, grabbed my railroads and said, “Fine, it’s a deal!” I held up my hand, “Hold up! Deal’s off the table. Things have changed.” He was pissed, but that was the point.

A little while later, he offered another player $500 for a property that would make him a monopoly. I stepped in, “I’ll give you $550.” It was sold to me. There was no reason for me to buy that property except to fuck with CF. But that was the point. Don’t bite the hand that feeds ya, prick.

As the game went on, it was pretty clear what was happening. I tried selling property to the upstate boyfriend and he said, “What am I going to do with that?” I replied, “Trade it with CF.” “CF won’t make a deal for it.” “No, he won’t make a deal with ME. He’ll make a deal with you or B (the other guy).”

In the end, that little fucker lost. Sure, it was just a game of Monopoly, but I still felt great because I contained myself. I didn’t make a big deal about the Jewish comments because that would get me nowhere. I just crushed his spirit instead.

The next morning, after we all woke up, we hung around in the large living room chatting. CF was there and he brought up Monopoly and how he would’ve won if only blah blah blah. I interrupted, “Actually, you would’ve won if you were willing to make a deal with the Jew.”

If there was a lesson, it was that there are a ton of dumbass people in this world, and some of those people will dislike me by virtue of my religion. But that’s okay, because those people are dumbasses, and nothing I can say or do will change them.

Until next time, make mine poker!

Aught with the Old

January 2nd, 2008

I’ve began and presently tabled a Year in Review post, now the second year in a row that I planned and then eschewed plans for a recap post. Plain and simple, the year of aught seven is behind us, and while there is a lot that I have personally learned, I don’t think we’ll see a survey of that information here. The long and short of it is that I beat my annual goal by a good margin, and I’ve set a goal for myself in aught eight to win $8,000 for the year. The truth is that the $8k amount will be the most difficult goal yet, due in large part to my inability to play live poker more than once a week at best. My online game amounted to about 1/2 of my winnings for aught seven, but I don’t give it much credence, since it mostly came from one big tournament win in the middle of the year. My cash winnings for aught seven were actually equivalent to my cash winnings for aught six, which just demonstrates the difficulty I have raises my profit when I am stuck in the same games with the same frequency of play. As much as I would like to move up in limits live, I don’t have the cash bankroll to do it right, and I still don’t have those opportunities to play the higher stakes games. The nearest casino is 2-3 hours away by car, and I don’t have a car. Add to that the usual obligations of a lawyer and husband, and I’ve reached a critical point in my poker career. How do I move up when the opportunities have not presented themselves?

The answer, I hope, will be found along the course of the year. I’m nothing if not optomistic about my play, especially of late. Live, I can feel that I am on my game better than ever. Recently, I’ve learned how to walk away from bad tables or bad situations (really, just bad ‘vibes,’ man) so hopefully, that will cap some of my bigger losses in aught eight. Online, I continue to suck. Lately, I can’t win a token tourney, and my MTT game has gone into the shitter. Amazingly, it all goes back to Jordan’s #1 Rule of Poker:

“If you know that you are behind, fold.”

The rule is as obvious as anything, and it’s something I tend to say a lot in live games when players say, “I think you have me beat, but I call,” or “I don’t know what to do. I’m pretty sure I’m behind.” In many situations, live and online, we face a situation where our sixth sense, I like to call it the Spidey Sense, tells us that we are beat. It may be because of a tell you pick up (either physical or a betting pattern) or it may be blatant by the action in front of you. Even so, sometimes the urge to just play your (my) cards and/or self-destructive tendencies give way to a crying call. The end result, especially in tournaments, can be disasterous.

While I prosthelytize this golden rule, I seemed to have forgotten it in my daily play. In the last few tournaments I’ve played online, including blogger tournaments, I built up a stack only to make a stupid call. It’s usually fairly late in the tourament, and in the instances I can remember, I was distracted from the play. It isn’t anything specific, other than my own inability to stare at a screen and concentrate on the action before me. It’s a sorry state of affairs because I like to think that I am better than that, but that’s just not the case.

Poker is a game about constant improvement. The hardest part is remembering that any lesson you learn may have to be re-learned later. It’s almost like plugging a damn in a cartoon. You stick your thumb in one leak, and another opens up. You stick your other thumb in that leak, and one opens by your foot. You plug that one up with your big toe, and another opens up elsewhere. And somewhere along the line, you move your first thumb to a new leak and you forget that the old leak is pouring all over you…just to start the process all over again. In the end, its a lesson in vigilance, and its one I look forward to continuing indefinitely.

Until next time, make mine poker!

Which is True Index

January 1st, 2008
The following is an index of former “Which is True” posts, and their corresponding “This is True” posts. These posts examine common, often diametrically opposed, concepts in poker and asks the readers to opine about which of the statements is true. The follow-up “This is True” posts provide an overview of the varying opinions.


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